So, as the Doppelganger for MaximumTacolord I guess I have to find some sort of Doppel equivalent to Jenni, Original Taco’s muse and off/on love interest. That or start dating her myself. I called up Doppel Jenni, but her answering machine was kind of creepy. Apparently she runs this lesbian organization bent on the eradication of high heels. I didn’t really grasp the meaning behind her efforts, something about squirrels talking too fast so she needed a faster shoe to keep up. I hung up before the tone, the message was going for over 45 seconds before I gave up. Come on people, just state your name and let the beep do its job!

I thought about calling normal Jenni, but I remember Taco saying something about her never picking up her phone. Besides my hands seemed to be getting sweaty and I didn’t want to wash that stuff off the receiver. I figured I’d try to find what Taco wrote about her lately, since he always has a poem in the works on her. I found the material questionable, what kind of guy writes about a woman’s tampons? Honestly people? Maybe the most effective doppel taco would be a single one, or one without "taco" in his name. The dude even wrote about her organs, the sexual ones. What a pervert.

I need a cold shower, I’ll cya around.

Doppel Taco

Queen Doppel-poppolis has been like, I don’t know. Grumpy.

She assigned me to Earth to begin eradicating the Tacolord network and establish it as our own Doppel Taco network. I said it seems kind of counterproductive if we tell everyone we’re doppelgangers. I mean, aren’t we trying to replace them without them knowing it or something? But she called me unpatriotic and now I can’t swear over the phone because these guys are listening to my calls. Just as well, at least I always have someone on the line to talk to even if they don’t respond. And isn’t that kind of reassuring in a way? Why are we trying to take over this guy’s network anyway? The Tacolord may be an interesting guy but… he’s not Oprah. There’s a chick I’d like to Doppel if you know what I mean. Growl…

Pubs

I don’t see the fascination in regularly updating a blog. This thing is nothing more than a scripted diary, filtered for a public being assimilated at an ever increasing rate. But I got a call from the Tacolord, suggesting I do it more. What once started as a hobby, a mere aid to my writing skills in developing a better voice from a single character’s perspective now feels like work. Just like he who I seek to doppel, I dislike forced labor.

Since the herd seems to demand it. What could be more public than my pubic hairs? Both words share a similar geometric structure after all. With summer coming around and a new batch of classes offering the possibilities of a few cute girls sitting in what is otherwise a bacon and sausage cooking marathon that is a state college, pubic hairs are very important. Why? Simply because when having sex, it’s best to not occupy a free hand with holding back that river of curls that is the wang’s wig. Free hands are better suited for grabbing things that aren’t attached to your own person.

But what’s the deal with cut pubs? They look like dead bugs, all curled up and motionless, aside from a twitch or two from the wind of an open window or ceiling fan. I don’t know if other people have this happen to them or if my carpet is naturally a little curlier than most. But it’s kind of disturbing, seeing those little fibers decaying and distorted in some sort of mass hair grave. Another go below the torso may be necessary; the sides don’t appear completely even. Some may suggest getting a wax, but something about asking some Asian lady to yank all the hairs away to unveil what I want her to ride seems a little counterproductive. Maybe I should find one of those new age salons that charge way more, but I think the result would be the same with any reasonably attractive woman. I don’t think I could stand the alternative, another guy, either. I’m pretty secure with my sexuality, but I feel a little too exposed. Weakness shown will give him power. Girth created may give him undesired signals. Bleeding may create an awkward moment with a touching of tourniquet to my junk. I could do it myself but, I don’t know. I think I’d rather trust something like that to a professional. I already punish my genitals enough the way it is.

Pubic hairs, what a strangely complicated little world they create over a much larger one. And by large, I mean huge. Nah, I’ll stay with large. It seems more accurate and I don’t want to sound like I’m trying to overcompensate.

Doppel Blogs

Blogs are awesome doppelganger tools. Yup, you guessed it; I’m revealing another doppel secret to the world! Let’s take a detour first. Over the years, literacy rates have skyrocketed! Seriously, back in the day being able to read wasn’t just a luxury; it was a path to wisdom or just a reason to act better than everyone. Stuck up and wise people are hard to doppelgang, because they’re always doing stuff that makes them unique. Even if it’s being a total prick. Often the doppelganger of a prick is a pretty cool guy by human standards. So it’s hard for the doppel to act that way. However, your average everyday Joe or Beth is a lot easier to doppelgang, all the doppelganger has to do is not act up. Since most doppelgangers are Buddhist, this is pretty easy. Buddhism is about doing nothing!

Doppel-society had two objectives, destroy the originality of reading and prevent readers from becoming original people. The first objective was easy, get everyone to read. It’s only cool until it becomes trendy, at this point the cool people move on. The second problem was a little harder, how do we get people not to read the great works of man (Nietzsche, Jesus, Buddha, and Aristotle) despite having all ability to do so? Or if they do read them, not care. Simple, make them hate reading. To do this, we modified the training program of our teachers. Teachers used to just read to the class, there weren’t enough books. So we increased production and gave all the students dozens of them (while hiding a few good ones inside) and told them to write a report on it. This had mixed results. Because creative individuals would write amazing papers. We witnessed the very creation of beauty through our efforts. The kind of stuff that would make bitter old stoics cry. This shit had to stop, so we put a format on book reports. The rules were pretty simple actually: show no humanity, emotion, or style throughout the entire paper and you pass. Show any of that stuff that may be considered “art” and you’ll fail. Any would-be poets or philosophers may complain, but the complaints of the great were littered in the complaints of the lazy and average. This basically drowned them out, because they weren't about to do anything about it. The average never rebel, why do you think rebels are always getting killed?

So what does the blog do? Consider for a moment the content of blogs. Great poems, philosophical queries, struggles in art are rarely seen in them. It’s usually some clique gabbing or a webmaster trying to build press for his or her site. People aren’t just reading now, they’re writing and the stuff is horrible! Making the great works of man even harder to find. Sure, some great bloggers are probably out there, but I haven’t seen them and I’d wager most of you haven’t either.

Cloning

As a doppelganger, I have mixed feelings about clones (most negative). Are clones “doppelgangers” of the biological source? Current clones seem more like children than doppelgangers. What about a clone of a doppelganger, that’s just crazy! A doppel-doppelganger? We don’t really have children, the exchange of biological juices to create growth tends to offend us. If you ask me, conceiving is more like an infection than anything. Also, what the hell? Why did nature decide to divide the conditions for life from one or two bisexed animals to two single sexed ones? I guess it’d limit genetic variation and the need to seek mates. Everyone like that would end up dieing off should something kill one of them. It must have been awkward for the first creatures with just sperms or eggs. All confused if you’re straight or gay because it depends on whatever sex your partner decides to be.

I wonder what would happen if the world started embracing cloning, it’d be annoying having to make the same doppelganger for so many people from the same pool of characteristics, but probably a lot easier as well. The evolutionary impact seems potentially harmful, even for doppel society. If husbandry has taught us anything, for every benefit it’ll have for our population; it’ll bring unseen horrors. Mad cow disease, the flu, small pox, probably chicken pox (It has chicken in the name!), the plague, and great deities know what else have been the byproducts of domestication of animals. So what will cloning do to us?

Even human domestication (through society and culture) is showing side effects. Casing the spread of disease, psychological disorders, and who knows what else. If history has taught us anything, you can’t trust a single thing historians say. Subjective individuals reading over subjective notes written by someone who probably wants to be seen in a certain light. Yea, that’s a creditable source if I’ve ever seen one. So how are we supposed track humanity’s disorders?

Imagine the impact of domestication on clones? The same company (if current legal agenda is any hint for the future, big business will control all cloning) raising the same group of children in what they feel to be the best manner possible (cheaply). It’ll create a single mind and genetic set that will have almost no adaptable qualities.

I can’t wait until we finish off the rest of humanity, before they end up doing it to themselves and putting us at risk. You guys are freakin’ nuts. Going ta end up breeding a bunch of fools with no food holes. How are we going to feed doppelgangers with no food holes?

Taylor Mali

Mali is an excellent example of supporting Doppelganger interests. You should check out his site, www.taylormali.com, since it furthers my interests as well. The guy is a poet, a pretty good one at that and a former teacher. He had a dream of creating 1000 teachers. It isn’t going as well as he hoped, as it is the final year of his dream’s deadline and he’s only got around 100 teachers. But I wouldn't mock him for it yet, there is still time and the guy is somewhat famous, he may still do it. Even if he doesn’t, he’s furthered the number of teachers and increased their prestige a great deal.

“Wait Doppel-Taco, how does Mali further doppel interests?” a voice from the back says. I’ll tell you, although all teachers aren’t doppelgangers, they’ve all been trained by doppelganger agenda. You see, education isn’t about improving an individual's life. It’s about making them think the same as others and never questioning the world. Sure, students may go to rallies more than most people, but have you ever seen a student rally in person? Odds are, probably not. Seriously, go into a classroom, any classroom and just sit there. How many times will a student actually speak out against the topic, almost never! If one does, bam, out of the class. But how often do they ask about that topic, even if they consider it to be the evil of evils, not that much. It’s great, students are so afraid of not seeming confirming enough, they’re actually afraid to ask questions about confirming!

This is why I love teachers, they discipline students while calling themselves the greatest and highest source of authority in all the world. Most of them haven’t even seen the world outside a school’s walls, but they’re the ones telling everyone about it! Best of all, students believe it! Oh man, and here is Mali, trying to give us more support. Awesome. Simply awesome. Obedience is so much easier to Doppel than a free spirit. Because everyone is too concerned with conforming to really pay attention to a doppelganger "conforming" as well.

“Why would a doppelganger brag about this, aren’t you afraid we’ll try to stop you?” the voice calls out again.

Nope.

My Space

MaximumTacolord created a myspace account after seeing askaninja doing it, figuring it’d be a nice way to build some press for his website. He was also pissed off someone took his tacolord name and wanted to keep his MTL one safe. This trend has been increasing a lot lately, somehow tacolord is getting famous enough just to get people to leech off him, not make him famous. No doubt he’s getting pretty frustrated by it all. After he created "his space," he realized he had no idea what to do with it. So I decided to investigate the matter, since I was equally ignorant on the subject. After about 20 minutes of research, here is my assessment:

Myspace is basically a chat program with no desire to chat. Rather, you talk about yourself with blogs, photos, videos, etc. Since everyone is chatting with themselves, something must be done to create a feeling of satisfaction. A means to show the world you haven’t wasted the last month of your life talking about how you wasted the last month of your life. This is done with the buddy list, in myspace terms, “Friends.” Usually a buddy list is a mass of names you never talk to, because only two or three people from it are actually acquaintances. This remains true, only everyone can see this “hive.” Askaninja has nearly 10,000 friends, despite askaninja putting nothing on the myspace besides content from his webpage. I’m fairly confident askaninja doesn’t even look at his own myspace. Below the “content” of an individual’s myspace, you can post comments. This is kind of like a forum, only everyone talks about either themselves or the owner of this space. Like most forums, English is a bastard language no one cares about, I doubt anyone actually reads these comments. If reading them is even possible.

What is myspace? In short, just one person talking about themselves while trying to get others to recognize this. In order to do so, they acknowledge others talking about themselves. Only the truly great spaces are those with no give and only take. Of course, those individuals usually gave a lot more overall and use myspace as a means of publicity. Basically, myspace is masturbating for a crowd. But no matter how great the crowd, you're just whacking off.