Peer Pressure at the SuperMarket

I think I just solved America’s weight crisis.

Sure, many of you are suggesting we just take the fat people and throw them in an incinerator as a cheap fuel alternative to natural gas and coal. And I’m not disagreeing with the fact that this is an awesome idea. However! I've got another idea to supplement it, since picking up those fatties might throw your back out, I want to combine peer pressure with the supermarket.

Alright, so peer pressure is kind of already being used. Sales tell us what’s a good deal and advertising tells us which product is going to get us laid. But who’s pressuring us into feeling like a fatty for putting cookies in the cart? NO ONE!

As such, we should hire dietitians to stand at the check out line and look through people’s carts and whenever they see something they don’t like, the dietitian will totally give the shopper a disapproving glance. When there isn’t anyone checking out, the dietitian can wander the snack and soda lanes, forcing potential shoppers to keep doing laps until the dietitian leaves so the shopper can sneak in and pick up some chips. Think of all the exercise they'll get!

Basically, let’s make buying junk food a lot more like buying condoms. The next pimpled faced teenager that comes to the checkout line looking to score a sugar high, lets make sure they know we know what they’re up to.